Dab Army vs Old Bristolians
Match report by Paris Goddard
UBMHC 3s vs Old Bristolians
Week 2 of the GoCrea8 Central 1 League (the worst name ever for a sponsor, worse than when Clydebank FC were sponsored by Wet Wet Wet, or when Roma were sponsored by Ina Assitalia – on an interesting side note Olympique Lyonnnais were once sponsored by “Le 69” which I’m sure raised all sorts of difficult questions on their socials) saw Dabnation 3000 aka The Three Muskabeers aka UBMHC 3rd XI take on Old Bristolians at the opposition’s ground.
The travelling party of 16 were hoping to improve on the strong performance that had seen them win their first league match of the season 4-2 against Bath Buccs in a biblical downpour. Arriving at the pitch the bois were greeted by far more clement conditions, as well as a brand new playing surface to deflower.
Decked out in some fetching new Player Layer stash (other suppliers of fetching stash are available), the team made a strong start, harassing the OB defence and midfield, gratefully accepting the many misplaced passes and mistrapped balls the opposition gave away. There were a few half chances, before the Muskabeers took the lead through a Charles Thompson drag flick after about 25 minutes – his third of the season in two games. Charles expertly took aim at the right post defender’s throat, and said man dutifully cowered as the ball flew into the net off his body.
Half time and Dab’s Army were in the lead, and in control of the game.
The second half began, but this time the bois were under more pressure from OBs. A ten minute period was weathered in which OBs continually changed from a 3, to a 4, to a 5 at the back, meaning that all of the bois’ tactical knowledge of the press was tested - Ollie Marshall was cutting at will, ably supported by the other forwards blocking channels and bearing down on defenders. Somewhere Luke Hansford smiled.
The momentum of the match fell back with the UBMHC, and there were some fantastic passages of two touch hockey down the middle. One such episode featuring Jack Wheating, Fresher Jesus, Trew and TC physically gave me wood. The pressure often resulted in short corners, and though five were won in the game, only the one was converted – a bit more ruthlessness in the D will be required in the coming fixtures.
In the last moments with the victory seemingly seen out, some absolutely outrageous stick blocking resulted in an OB shorty. Questioning of the umpires’ decision lead to the sort of collective cognitive dissonance only found in Orwell’s “1984”, and the team gritted their teeth, knowing that there was still work to be done. Four successive short corners were defended, a combination of Ghandi’s exceptional keeping, Woods bravery and large clumsy feet and OB only having two routines. The umpires blew their whistles. 3 points were in the bag and the team’s 100% record was intact.
Man of the match went to Fresher Pirate (I think), who had a particularly strong game at the back, and only gave away one absolute shocker of a suicide pass to an opposition forward. Good boy well done! DOD went to Paris for missing the entrance to the ground twice, a very easy mistake to make.